Lest we forget God's leading...

I want to share some of the specific ways that God has shown us He is leading our steps.

1. Circumstances and feelings have been such as to discourage us from purchasing a home and going into debt, even though there have been times we have wanted to own a home. We have a few times gotten very close to buying but something at the end prevented its happening. Instead we have had fine homes to rent dropped in our path.

2. Each home has been smaller than the last, and in moving between homes we have been forced or encouraged to get rid of junk. We still have one room that is suffering from clutter, but I am working on it. :)

3. When we were struggling at first with a decision as to what we should do, we received a phone call from one of the mission projects we were considering saying, "We need you! Please come!"

4. God helped us just Sunday to sell our piano, a huge weight off our minds. Also, we were able to get some money for it even though we got it for free.

5. We have been given an open door to leave our current position and move to the mission field.

For about two months we have felt that God was leading us into mission service, and some doors seemed to be opening for us. We were very excited, and started purging our things and getting everything in order so we could pick up and leave. Then we visited with a Godly man whom we greatly respect, and he indicated that he thought we were running away and counseled us to consider our mission here. Well, that pretty much sucked the wind out of our sails, and Steven started to deeply question his motives. After a few weeks of soul-searching, we decided to pray a radical prayer. (Note: Don't pray radical prayers unless you are ready for radical answers.)
Our prayer was this:

Lord, we believe that you are calling us into deeper service and stronger commitment to you. It has seemed that our call was to the mission field, but now that seems less clear. We know that our work here is also a mission field, and if this is where you want us to serve, continue to guide us here and we will accept your will. However, if you wish us to go overseas or move on to another place, please close the door for us to remain here.

I wish we could say that we had the faith of Abraham, but it was really more like the faith of Gideon. We put in our application to a volunteer program as a fleece, and were enthusiastically accepted. The fleece was wet and the ground was dry. Well, we thought, of course they want us. They are desperate for more volunteers.
So, we asked again. We asked that the fleece remain dry though the ground be sopping with dew, or, in our case, that God directly open the way for us to leave.

Have I mentioned that God answers radical prayers?

Yesterday we were encouraged to resign our position here because the administration has decided that we are not a good fit for the school. Not only did God answer our prayer--He answered it quickly; we only started praying this prayer last Thursday.

We are overjoyed to see the direct working of God in our lives. Never before have I seen His hand so clearly in events. We are a bit chagrined that it took such a big push to get us to move, but God is long-suffering with our weaknesses. We are willing; we will go.

This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance; That ye may be mindful of the words spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour:
Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, and saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation. For this they are willingly ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water: Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be, in all holy conversation and godliness, looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God...? Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for a new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.
Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. 

II Peter 3:1-15

I realize this is another long post, and that was a long text to include in its entirety, but until I started reading that passage as a whole (and the rest of the chapter, too) I didn't realize how completely Peter saw the end times. We are living this passage in the world right now. Even the Christians are starting to disbelieve the Bible's record of creation and the flood--they are willingly ignorant of the truths written for us in the Bible and choose not to see the events occurring all around us as signs of the end and of God's hand intervening in human affairs. But we as a family can no longer doubt our Lord's leading. He has directly manipulated circumstances in answer to our prayers, and we are now living, for better or worse, under His guidance.

The world chooses to believe that this world came about by chance, that there are no moral absolutes, and that this world is all we have.
What are we doing? Are we cultivating holy conversation and godliness, looking for and hasting the coming of the day of God? Or are we walking after our own lusts, saying, "Where is the promise of His coming?"

Friends, Jesus is coming SOON!

We know not the hour of the Master's appearing;
Yet signs all foretell that the moment is nearing
When He shall return--'tis a promise most cheering--
But we know not the hour.
He will come, let us watch and be ready;
He will come! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
He will come in the clouds of His Father's bright glory--
But we know not the hour.

SDA Hymnal, No. 604

Fasting and Prayer

Sometimes in our lives we come to places where decisions must be made--big ones, that will change everything. When Jesus came to each of His disciples and said, Follow Me, each of them had to make in an instant a decision that would change their life forever. Some failed to decide, like the rich young ruler, who couldn't part with his riches. Others who apparently failed had harder tests because the things they were afraid to leave behind were good, like family. I mean, really, Jesus wouldn't let the man go home and bury his father? That seems like the ultimate in heartlessness to me. But God knows our hearts. He knows what test will be the final one for each of us, and we have no way of knowing if our test will be big, like selling all we have and giving to the poor, or little, like choosing not to eat something that is harmful (or even not best for us.) Because it is the little decisions every day that add up to a life of consecrated obedience.

Our family is fasting today. Our lives may be about to change in a significant way, a way that will finally make sense of all the painful struggles we have been facing for the last few years. For once all the little things will fall into place, and we will see our lives in a new light, the light of our cross.

The working of God in each person's life is so different that sometimes it seems unfair. Why are some people blessed with money to burn while others must scrape by on very little? Why are some people called to a life of ease and comfort while others must toil hard for the Master? We are beginning to see the working of God in our own lives, and I would like to share a little of that with you, my friends.

When Steven and I married, I was far from God. I still went through most of the motions of Christianity, but my heart was elsewhere. I had made an idol of marriage and motherhood, and for a while God let me go on my merry way. But I was unhappy. Steven and I argued often, and there were times when only the vows we had made to one another held us together. Our son was born, and for a few weeks we basked in the tired glow of new parenthood. But when Grant was diagnosed with a problem that prevented his nursing well, we were thrown into a new struggle that we never imagined. My thyroid got inflamed and the hormonal imbalances I experienced made it so I couldn't lose weight. I gained instead, and felt so horrible about myself I struggled with depression often. I would try new exercise programs and eating plans, but nothing seemed to help. All this went on for nearly two years. We wanted desperately to conceive another child, but month after month we were disappointed. I felt healthy, and fostered pride in my heart because I had not gotten fat by gluttony, but I continued to be denied the thing I most wanted, another chance at motherhood.
We realized when Grant was a little over a year old that we needed to be fostering his spiritual growth, so we began having family worship. This was the beginning of the path upward for us.
Last winter when my dear friend Caitlin's struggle with cancer intensified, the fragility of life and importance of living it for God was brought home to me. When she went to sleep in Jesus on the first day of spring last year I was heartbroken. She was like a sister to me (and to many others!) and I realized that there was nothing I wanted more than to be in Heaven one day, where none of us will ever be separated again.

From this point, God began working on my heart. I had been reading my Bible faithfully for a few months, and through the summer the Holy Spirit kept nudging me toward a deeper change of heart and obedience. At the end of the summer I yielded to the prompting I had been pushing away for years to make a certain change in my outward appearance that would mark me as a Christian. (I will elaborate on this in a future post.) Since this time, my prayer life has blossomed in a way I never imagined. I am still far from where I should be in my walk of faith, but I pray that I daily may be closer to what God wants for me.

Last fall our family returned to former convictions and began eating once again a total vegetarian, whole foods diet. We have experienced great benefits from this! I have lost over thirty pounds of excess weight (and still dropping!), and none of us has been ill this winter. I was also humbled by a diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome, a genetic condition that is exacerbated by excess weight, and am making further changes in my life to combat this so we can have our heart's desire of another child if it is God's will.

God has been leading us over the last few years into smaller and smaller homes, and each time we have had to shed junk in order to fit into the new space. Now we believe God may be leading us into mission work, something we have always, even in our fallen-away times, desired to do, and the reason for this shedding is becoming clear!

And this is the reason we are fasting today. We have asked that God would clearly open or shut doors so that we could know where He wants us. Steven does not want to run away from his current position as there is certainly good we can do here, but he also does not want to stay if this is not where God wants us. Things are rapidly coming to a breaking point here, and we should know by tomorrow if we are to go or stay. Please pray for us as we are waiting on the Lord. This may be painful, and we will need strength to do what we are asked.

I am working on memorizing this poem. I thought I would share it with you as it has been meaningful to me and speaks to our situation right now. Read it slowly, out loud if possible. I pray it touches your heart as it has mine.

Sometime, when all life's lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgments here have spurned,
The things o'er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life's dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God's plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.

And we shall see how, while we frown and sigh,
God's plans go on as best for you and me;
How when we called, He heeded not our cry,
Because His wisdom to the end could see.
And e'en as prudent parents disallow
Too much of sweet to craving babyhood,
So God, perhaps, is keeping from us now
Life's sweetest things, because it seemeth good.

And if, sometimes, commingled with life's wine,
We find the wormwood and rebel and shrink,
Be sure a wiser hand than yours or mine
Pours out the potion for our lips to drink;
And if some friend we love is lying low, 
Where human kisses cannot reach his face,
Oh, do not blame the loving Father so,
But wear your sorrow with obedient grace.

And you shall shortly know that lengthened breath
Is not the sweetest gift God sends His friend,
And that, sometimes, the sable pall of death
Conceals the fairest boon His love can send.
If we could push ajar the gates of life,
And stand within, and all God's workings see,
We could interpret all this doubt and strife, 
And for each mystery could find a key.

But not today. Then be content, poor heart;
God's plans like lilies pure and white unfold;
We must not tear the close-shut leaves apart;
Time will reveal the calyces of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land,
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we shall say, "God knew the best."

May Riley Smith,
'Sometime'

Lord, we are waiting on You. Teach us patience so we can rest in your will and not wrest and struggle against your plans. Forgive us for blaming our problems on you and proudly declaring that our problems are not our fault. Give us the strength to accept your will for us, whatever it may be, and teach us to find our deepest joy in obedience to your word.

Answers to Prayer

God has been so good to us! Our little family is going to be moving again (not far, this time), and we are overjoyed. A home has come available on the Highland campus, so we can eliminate Steven's morning commute. We have been through many states of mind regarding housing since we decided to take this call, from wanting to buy our own home to wanting to rent a home on campus, but God has repeatedly closed the door to our purchasing a home, and we are now going to be able to live right by Steven's work.

As any family with only one car can attest, it can be very difficult to coordinate schedules when two people need the car and there is a ten minute drive between home and work. This home provides the answer.

Just today we got the OK to plant a garden on the campus, and I can hardly wait to get it all tilled and planted. I bought lots of seeds from Southern Exposure Seed Exchange this winter, and I'm itching to get them in the ground.

We will miss our home out in the woods, with all the peace and privacy it affords, but we are looking forward to a smaller space (more manageable for a mediocre housekeeper) and the opportunity to build our own yard (complete with espaliered fruit trees, Lord willing!)

Keep us in your prayers as we get packed and moved--it's going to be a rough few weeks!

Sought by Joy

The righteous perishes and no man takes it to heart; merciful men are taken away, while no one considers that the righteous is taken away from evil. He shall enter into peace; they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness. 

Isaiah 57: 1,2

O Love that wilt not let me go, 
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

~George Matheson

I wish I had the words to say how much Caitlin meant to me--and still means to me, every time I think of her. We saw each other so rarely the last few years that it is often hard to remember that she is sleeping in Jesus now. My heart breaks afresh every time I remember; yet I know she would not want it that way.

Caitlin didn't believe in goodbyes.

As this world is changing and drawing every day closer to its end, the greatest tribute any of us can make to Caitlin is to commit our lives to her Saviour and do all we can to continue the light that she shone into our lives, spreading it to as many as we meet. Caitlin made me want to be better than I am. Her memory makes me want to be a better friend, especially to those who feel alone or unwanted, as Caitlin so often was for me; to be a kinder and gentler wife and mother; and to be a closer and more devoted follower of Jesus, the One who used Caitlin to draw me to Him.

Right now the pain is intense, but His joy is still there, wooing my heart, reminding me that though my tears dim the rainbow of promise, there will be a tearless morn at last.

"And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more dearth, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." Rev. 21: 3.4.

We will sing together again by the River, under the Tree of Life. Please be there with us.

Moving forward

Some of you, my friends, may have seen my facebook post announcing that we are moving to Tennessee this summer. What you probably don't know is how incredible it has been to see God moving to make this move possible!

I want to give glory to God by expounding to you the riches of His grace toward my family, not only to tell you more of His bountiful, beneficent love, but to remind me of it in the future when I am tempted to doubt His care.

1. God gave me an incredibly talented husband who has a heart for serving others and receives joy in his work as a result of the service he is allowed to give.

2. He provided the means for our education, and gave me a job so I could work to help my husband finish his schooling.

3. He provided us with the resource through the church of the NAD education listings (think of all the unemployed persons who have to pound pavement all day long searching for jobs, when we have the job listings handed to us and only have to decide to apply!)

4. Even though Steven does not have his teaching endorsements, God gave him the forethought to include most of the required classes for denominational certification in his class load at Walla Walla University, so there are few classes left to him before he is certified.

5. When Steven applied for jobs at schools, they considered him in spite of his lack of certification. 

6. God opened the hearts of the hiring committee at Highland Academy to look at Steven's work experience and skills rather than his lack: education classes and teaching experience. He gave them the faith to move forward and fly Steven in for an interview.

7. He gave us the job! It perfectly fits Steven's skill set and will be an excellent entry to the Adventist education system. He will be teaching upper-level math (Algebra 2 and Pre-Calculus), Physics, and Microsoft Office, in addition to overseeing Information Services. He is a computer whiz, and majored in mathematics (which  requires physics classes as well). These are all the things he loves to do, and the school has a small student body so he will be able to start out with smaller classes. The school will pay for the remainder of his education so he will be a certified teacher within 3 years.

There are so many more things I could include! As I think of the process to where we are now, from taking a job as task force workers (read: slaves) that has been very stressful in many ways, to applying for jobs that turned out to be dead ends, causing us to have to wait for more jobs to open up, I can see His hand at work and rejoice in His grace to us. If we had not been task force workers this year, Steven would not have met some key people for references, and my first year of mothering would have been much more difficult (I have all four of my son's grandparents within a 3-minute walk of home).

Now we are on the final leg of this journey toward our new home in Portland, TN, and it has many parts we will need His help to accomplish:

1. We need to get packed! 

2. We need to have a yard sale to get rid of some excess stuff  that we've been dragging around for too long.

3. We need a home to move into. We have made an offer on a house (a modular home on 2.42 acres that is about 1.5 miles from the school), but we are waiting to hear from the bank moderating its sale that our offer is approved. Please pray that God will make His will known in this area by opening or closing doors as he sees fit.

John 1:16. From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another.

I pray that you all receive His blessings of grace in your lives today.

Demographic Winter

Here in Spangle we are seeing the first hints of spring. I have pussy willow trees in my backyard and just this last week saw the first hints of fluffy buds. Several cut stems are now blooming in my living room where I can really enjoy their beauty. We have had two days this week of such pleasant, sunny weather that I have been able to take Grant outside without having to bundle us up first.
It is always wonderful to see the signs of the changing seasons, and when winter's grip loosens and spring begins to spread its new life and growth all over the world, new joy fills my heart.

Yet, in countries all over the world, a different kind of winter is just settling in. In some countries, like ours, it has not yet arrived, but is coming as surely as the spring is coming to the northern hemisphere. Chances are you haven't heard of it, or even suspected its existence. It is a demographic winter, and all our lives will be different because of it.

I won't go into too much detail here because I don't want to steal the thunder of the people who spent so much time and money on the documentary, but I want to get you curious so you will start thinking and choose to go to YouTube and see for yourself.

Here's a little information to get you started: 
Concisely, demography is the study of population growth and decline. Demographers look at long term trends and run all their little statistical algorithms and plot what our population will look like in the future. An important demographical concept is replacement fertility rate, the rate at which we must reproduce ourselves in order to maintain our current population. For every two people, 2.1 more people must be born in order to keep the population stable. The 0.1 is to take into account the possibility that a person will die before reproducing himself.
Nearly all Western countries currently have sub-replacement fertility. You might think this is a good thing. After all, isn't the world over-populated? I used to think so, too. This first clip is a very succinct and somewhat humorous introduction to the overpopulation myth. Next is the trailer to the documentary that helps to explain it all. Think it over!





Watch the whole documentary here.

Happy New Year!

Many apologies for the long delay between posts. Grant has been keeping me busy, and there has been so much to do! I hope to take the time sometime soon to share all the things that have kept us from posting for a while, but that time is not now. 

Grant is almost six months old. He now has three teeth and is learning to eat a few solids. He weighs 20 lbs. and is rapidly outgrowing his clothing, though we have enough clothes to last him quite a while. (Why don't they size clothes by weight instead of age with babies? He has never made it to the top of the age range in a clothes size.) Though he's not crawling quite yet, Grant is getting up on his hands and knees and rocking or pushing up to his tiptoes. Once he figures out that his hands need to move with his feet he'll be off! It's very exciting to watch. Just last week he started saying "Ma-ma-ma-ma", and today we heard "Da-da" for the first time. Now all his grandparents and aunties are vying for position as the next word. :) 

We are so blessed to have such a precious child, it is more than worth all the struggles we have gone through to get him to this point. We're eager to start over again! 

Here is a series of pictures that almost brings you up-to-date.

  

I hope you had a merry Christmas and a very happy new year. May the Lord bless you in this year to come.