Lest we forget God's leading...

I want to share some of the specific ways that God has shown us He is leading our steps.

1. Circumstances and feelings have been such as to discourage us from purchasing a home and going into debt, even though there have been times we have wanted to own a home. We have a few times gotten very close to buying but something at the end prevented its happening. Instead we have had fine homes to rent dropped in our path.

2. Each home has been smaller than the last, and in moving between homes we have been forced or encouraged to get rid of junk. We still have one room that is suffering from clutter, but I am working on it. :)

3. When we were struggling at first with a decision as to what we should do, we received a phone call from one of the mission projects we were considering saying, "We need you! Please come!"

4. God helped us just Sunday to sell our piano, a huge weight off our minds. Also, we were able to get some money for it even though we got it for free.

5. We have been given an open door to leave our current position and move to the mission field.

For about two months we have felt that God was leading us into mission service, and some doors seemed to be opening for us. We were very excited, and started purging our things and getting everything in order so we could pick up and leave. Then we visited with a Godly man whom we greatly respect, and he indicated that he thought we were running away and counseled us to consider our mission here. Well, that pretty much sucked the wind out of our sails, and Steven started to deeply question his motives. After a few weeks of soul-searching, we decided to pray a radical prayer. (Note: Don't pray radical prayers unless you are ready for radical answers.)
Our prayer was this:

Lord, we believe that you are calling us into deeper service and stronger commitment to you. It has seemed that our call was to the mission field, but now that seems less clear. We know that our work here is also a mission field, and if this is where you want us to serve, continue to guide us here and we will accept your will. However, if you wish us to go overseas or move on to another place, please close the door for us to remain here.

I wish we could say that we had the faith of Abraham, but it was really more like the faith of Gideon. We put in our application to a volunteer program as a fleece, and were enthusiastically accepted. The fleece was wet and the ground was dry. Well, we thought, of course they want us. They are desperate for more volunteers.
So, we asked again. We asked that the fleece remain dry though the ground be sopping with dew, or, in our case, that God directly open the way for us to leave.

Have I mentioned that God answers radical prayers?

Yesterday we were encouraged to resign our position here because the administration has decided that we are not a good fit for the school. Not only did God answer our prayer--He answered it quickly; we only started praying this prayer last Thursday.

We are overjoyed to see the direct working of God in our lives. Never before have I seen His hand so clearly in events. We are a bit chagrined that it took such a big push to get us to move, but God is long-suffering with our weaknesses. We are willing; we will go.

This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance; That ye may be mindful of the words spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour:
Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, and saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation. For this they are willingly ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water: Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be, in all holy conversation and godliness, looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God...? Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for a new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.
Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. 

II Peter 3:1-15

I realize this is another long post, and that was a long text to include in its entirety, but until I started reading that passage as a whole (and the rest of the chapter, too) I didn't realize how completely Peter saw the end times. We are living this passage in the world right now. Even the Christians are starting to disbelieve the Bible's record of creation and the flood--they are willingly ignorant of the truths written for us in the Bible and choose not to see the events occurring all around us as signs of the end and of God's hand intervening in human affairs. But we as a family can no longer doubt our Lord's leading. He has directly manipulated circumstances in answer to our prayers, and we are now living, for better or worse, under His guidance.

The world chooses to believe that this world came about by chance, that there are no moral absolutes, and that this world is all we have.
What are we doing? Are we cultivating holy conversation and godliness, looking for and hasting the coming of the day of God? Or are we walking after our own lusts, saying, "Where is the promise of His coming?"

Friends, Jesus is coming SOON!

We know not the hour of the Master's appearing;
Yet signs all foretell that the moment is nearing
When He shall return--'tis a promise most cheering--
But we know not the hour.
He will come, let us watch and be ready;
He will come! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
He will come in the clouds of His Father's bright glory--
But we know not the hour.

SDA Hymnal, No. 604

Fasting and Prayer

Sometimes in our lives we come to places where decisions must be made--big ones, that will change everything. When Jesus came to each of His disciples and said, Follow Me, each of them had to make in an instant a decision that would change their life forever. Some failed to decide, like the rich young ruler, who couldn't part with his riches. Others who apparently failed had harder tests because the things they were afraid to leave behind were good, like family. I mean, really, Jesus wouldn't let the man go home and bury his father? That seems like the ultimate in heartlessness to me. But God knows our hearts. He knows what test will be the final one for each of us, and we have no way of knowing if our test will be big, like selling all we have and giving to the poor, or little, like choosing not to eat something that is harmful (or even not best for us.) Because it is the little decisions every day that add up to a life of consecrated obedience.

Our family is fasting today. Our lives may be about to change in a significant way, a way that will finally make sense of all the painful struggles we have been facing for the last few years. For once all the little things will fall into place, and we will see our lives in a new light, the light of our cross.

The working of God in each person's life is so different that sometimes it seems unfair. Why are some people blessed with money to burn while others must scrape by on very little? Why are some people called to a life of ease and comfort while others must toil hard for the Master? We are beginning to see the working of God in our own lives, and I would like to share a little of that with you, my friends.

When Steven and I married, I was far from God. I still went through most of the motions of Christianity, but my heart was elsewhere. I had made an idol of marriage and motherhood, and for a while God let me go on my merry way. But I was unhappy. Steven and I argued often, and there were times when only the vows we had made to one another held us together. Our son was born, and for a few weeks we basked in the tired glow of new parenthood. But when Grant was diagnosed with a problem that prevented his nursing well, we were thrown into a new struggle that we never imagined. My thyroid got inflamed and the hormonal imbalances I experienced made it so I couldn't lose weight. I gained instead, and felt so horrible about myself I struggled with depression often. I would try new exercise programs and eating plans, but nothing seemed to help. All this went on for nearly two years. We wanted desperately to conceive another child, but month after month we were disappointed. I felt healthy, and fostered pride in my heart because I had not gotten fat by gluttony, but I continued to be denied the thing I most wanted, another chance at motherhood.
We realized when Grant was a little over a year old that we needed to be fostering his spiritual growth, so we began having family worship. This was the beginning of the path upward for us.
Last winter when my dear friend Caitlin's struggle with cancer intensified, the fragility of life and importance of living it for God was brought home to me. When she went to sleep in Jesus on the first day of spring last year I was heartbroken. She was like a sister to me (and to many others!) and I realized that there was nothing I wanted more than to be in Heaven one day, where none of us will ever be separated again.

From this point, God began working on my heart. I had been reading my Bible faithfully for a few months, and through the summer the Holy Spirit kept nudging me toward a deeper change of heart and obedience. At the end of the summer I yielded to the prompting I had been pushing away for years to make a certain change in my outward appearance that would mark me as a Christian. (I will elaborate on this in a future post.) Since this time, my prayer life has blossomed in a way I never imagined. I am still far from where I should be in my walk of faith, but I pray that I daily may be closer to what God wants for me.

Last fall our family returned to former convictions and began eating once again a total vegetarian, whole foods diet. We have experienced great benefits from this! I have lost over thirty pounds of excess weight (and still dropping!), and none of us has been ill this winter. I was also humbled by a diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome, a genetic condition that is exacerbated by excess weight, and am making further changes in my life to combat this so we can have our heart's desire of another child if it is God's will.

God has been leading us over the last few years into smaller and smaller homes, and each time we have had to shed junk in order to fit into the new space. Now we believe God may be leading us into mission work, something we have always, even in our fallen-away times, desired to do, and the reason for this shedding is becoming clear!

And this is the reason we are fasting today. We have asked that God would clearly open or shut doors so that we could know where He wants us. Steven does not want to run away from his current position as there is certainly good we can do here, but he also does not want to stay if this is not where God wants us. Things are rapidly coming to a breaking point here, and we should know by tomorrow if we are to go or stay. Please pray for us as we are waiting on the Lord. This may be painful, and we will need strength to do what we are asked.

I am working on memorizing this poem. I thought I would share it with you as it has been meaningful to me and speaks to our situation right now. Read it slowly, out loud if possible. I pray it touches your heart as it has mine.

Sometime, when all life's lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgments here have spurned,
The things o'er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life's dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God's plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.

And we shall see how, while we frown and sigh,
God's plans go on as best for you and me;
How when we called, He heeded not our cry,
Because His wisdom to the end could see.
And e'en as prudent parents disallow
Too much of sweet to craving babyhood,
So God, perhaps, is keeping from us now
Life's sweetest things, because it seemeth good.

And if, sometimes, commingled with life's wine,
We find the wormwood and rebel and shrink,
Be sure a wiser hand than yours or mine
Pours out the potion for our lips to drink;
And if some friend we love is lying low, 
Where human kisses cannot reach his face,
Oh, do not blame the loving Father so,
But wear your sorrow with obedient grace.

And you shall shortly know that lengthened breath
Is not the sweetest gift God sends His friend,
And that, sometimes, the sable pall of death
Conceals the fairest boon His love can send.
If we could push ajar the gates of life,
And stand within, and all God's workings see,
We could interpret all this doubt and strife, 
And for each mystery could find a key.

But not today. Then be content, poor heart;
God's plans like lilies pure and white unfold;
We must not tear the close-shut leaves apart;
Time will reveal the calyces of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land,
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we shall say, "God knew the best."

May Riley Smith,
'Sometime'

Lord, we are waiting on You. Teach us patience so we can rest in your will and not wrest and struggle against your plans. Forgive us for blaming our problems on you and proudly declaring that our problems are not our fault. Give us the strength to accept your will for us, whatever it may be, and teach us to find our deepest joy in obedience to your word.