Yesterday afternoon I spent an hour or so reading all the blogs of my dear Southern friends. I savored all your wisdom and drank in the spiritual water shared, drank deeply until my heart ached. As it does now.
Don't laugh at me for filling my blogs with more apologies. I am a dyed-in-the-wool apologiser and it's not likely to change anytime soon. Words do not come as easily to me as they do to some of you, but I want to try to let each of you, my dear friends, know how I feel right now.
I am sorry that, when I had the opportunity to spend time playing games with friends of a Sabbath evening, I chose to stay in my room and waste time on my computer instead. Thank you, Joel, Ivan, and Kristin, for inviting me to share life with you. I regret that I did not join in.
I am sorry that I counted my sleep more dear than fellowship with hymnsingers. Every hymn-sing I attended was pure joy, and I attended too few.
I am sorry for all the times I ate my meals alone in my room instead of joining in with the friendly tables or taking time to share a table with a lonely stranger. I'm sure that my digestion suffered as a result.
I am sorry for all the times I sat on my bed and watched videos on YouTube instead of talking with my precious roommate. Christy, thank you for bearing with me all semester. When God arranged for us to be roommates He gave me an incredible gift; I regret that I did not appreciate it as I should have. Thank you for your friendship and love. I miss you.
For my self-imposed solitary confinement I apologise to each of you, my dear friends. Rich blessings of fellowship were daily offered me, and I chose instead to fill my time with empty pleasures. Thank you for not giving up on me, but continuing to issue invitations I was likely to refuse.
Now I am done at Southern, and not planning on returning to the East anytime soon, and my heart aches with regret for all the missed opportunities. A wealth of friends were offered me, and I chose not to fully enjoy them. God is restoring my heart, and as He does His work I see more clearly what I have missed.
I must sound an awfully gloomy person. Really I am not! As I take more time to know my God and He restores the joy to my heart, regrets over lost time creep to the surface. By the grace of God, from this point on I will endeavor to live life to the fullest and embrace all the joys and sorrows alike as a blessing of life from my Creator. I thank Him for the richness I can glean from reading my friends' words, and I thank each of my friends for continuing to share life with me, even from thousands of miles away. I love you all.
6 months ago
Dear Alice, I could never imagine you gloomy. This might sound strange, but I appreciate your posting this. I think it will make me treasure my time here more, and maybe help me make wiser choices than I have at times. I appreciate your honesty as well. Your cheerful smile is missed here, and perhaps it is not too late to share in life :)
ReplyDeleteMay God continue to bless and give you deep, abundant joy.
Definitely not too late. I have many regrets of wasted time and opportunities as well. But, like you said, God can use those regrets to open your mind and heart to new horizons opening up before you. :)
ReplyDeleteI miss you too! I still need to call you. I have a sticky not above my desk that says "CALL ALICE!!!!" in big orange letters. lol.
Alice, every time I came in contact with you was like hearing a note of peace. You regret not getting out into the social stream as much as you might have, but I appreciate the impression you made when you did :) Blessings on the next stage of your journey!
ReplyDeleteI identify with your post more than you'll ever know! Oh, the many times I wasted time I might have spent otherwise. The Lord is merciful to both of us. Reading your blog reminded me to reevaluate my use of time once again. Thank you dear friend!
ReplyDeleteI miss you Alice. I agree with Joel. You are a note of peace and your sweet spirit is such a blessing everywhere you go!
Philippians 3: 13,14
Dear Alice I miss you very much! And I am grateful for the time we shared together! It was precious and inspiring. I appreciate your honest evaluation of time - but may it only serve to enrich the present moments that are your gifts now. Hugs!
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