Please - Kill the Liar!

My wonderful roommate recently introduced me to my new favorite song. By J. J. Heller, it is called "Only Love Remains." Here are the words:

Scenes of you come rushing through,
You are breaking me down;
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground.
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart,
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart.

Please, kill the liar,
Kill the thief in me -
You know that I am tired of their cruelty.
Breathe into my spirit,
Breathe into my veins,
Until only love remains.

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth;
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth.
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life;
I know that I'm a shadow,
But I'm dancing in your light.

Teach me to be humble,
Call me from the grave,
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves.
Breathe into my spirit,
Breathe into my veins,
Until only love remains.

The part that strikes me the hardest, every time I hear it, begins in the last part of the first stanza. "I know that I deserve to die for the murder in my heart....Please, kill the liar, kill the thief in me - You know that I am tired of their cruelty."
How many times have I asked Him to kill the liar and the thief, but then start CPR as soon as He is done?

I am so eager to hold onto all parts of myself, when these parts can only bring me destruction. In The Great Divorce C. S. Lewis tells of man who has a little dragon continually sitting on his shoulder. The dragon fills the man's head with lies about God and Heaven and would send him back to Hell if he could. A shining being appears and, seeing the man in distress, offers to kill the dragon, but the man doesn't want to trouble him. The man is afraid that he will not be able to do without the dragon, afraid that the process will be painful even if the result is good...afraid.... "Can't you just make him quiet?" No, he must be killed. Will you let me kill him?
Finally the man relents.
The shining being takes the dragon and throws him to the ground, and he appears to be dead. Yet, just when the reader thinks the dragon is gone forever, he contorts and stretches and grows and becomes--a magnificent horse! The man looks on in astonishment as he sees his worst enemy become something more wonderful than he could have imagined.

God never kills something just to leave it dead. Every foul attribute we hold in our hearts God is waiting patiently to kill so He can make it into something so much better. His strength is only made perfect (complete) in our weakness. He is not concerned with our strengths - we are glorified in those. God is glorified most fully where we are helpless and weak, because He can create His own character there.

What is God trying to kill in me today?

What's in a name?

The decision to start a weblog was long in coming. I resisted for a long time because I've never liked the name "blog". Makes me think of wet, squishy, smelly places where hopping amphibians live. When I finally decided to create one, I had to decide on a name for it. Perhaps some of my readers will recognize the sources of my URL and title, but I am sure that not all will.

The name comes from the third stanza of a favorite hymn by George Matheson. Here is the text in full.

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine oceans depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to Thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee;
I lay in dust life's glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

These words never fail to bring me hope, especially those of the third verse. Our Lord is always seeking to bring us joy (not necessarily happiness), though often we fail to see it. If we keep our hearts open to His leading and keep hope alive, we will not fail to see the rainbow through the dark rainclouds that threaten to obscure our vision.

Lord, upon our blindness Thy pure radiance pour;
For Thy loving-kindness we would love Thee more;
And when clouds are drifting dark across the sky,
Then, the veil uplifting, Father, be Thou nigh.

We will never doubt Thee, though Thou veil Thy light;
Life is dark without Thee, death with Thee is bright.
Light of light, shine o'er us on our pilgrim way,
Go Thou still before us to the endless day.

~William How (SDAH No. 110)